I know I should post in here more but I can't help my wondering if I even should. I mean I'm a very personal person so the whole idea of writing things out so others can see them is a tad unnerving for me.

Hell I don't even talk about a lot of things with my family so I think I need to make this one of my personal challenges. I was talking about with with my mom the other day and we've come to an interesting conclusion.

It all started with a random comment about my mom going out for somethings and asking if I wanted to go, I agreed to go to get out of the house and away from the renovations. Once we got home I made some comment about hating people in general. Mom made a comment about me always being 'older' then my age and laughed over the fact by the time I was eleven she was letting me babysit because I was more mature then most of the babysitter's we'd encountered up to that point.

I've done a lot of reflecting lately and I've come to the conclusion that I tend to be a bitch and I'm good at it. This leads to some interesting moments between myself and my sister, never mind my sister's friends. My sister is nineteen, the age where everything is about them.... I have a hard time understanding her so it gets rather explosive at times. Again my mom reminded me that I tend to look at things with a mind of someone five to ten years older then I am so that five year difference between my sister is suddenly closer to ten years. This also explains why I tend to get along better with people my parents age and why I have so few friends my own age.

Well the fact I'm a bitch and the fact I don't let anyone close out of fear. Fear my favorite word these days. I am terrified of more things then I care to think about but at the same time. I face every last one of my fears face on so that no one knows I'm afraid and to prove to myself that I can over come my fears.

So with that in mind I now have a couple of goals I need to work on before October (aka my birthday)

1. Start posting in LJ more often, (If any of you want to poke me to remind me to post go for it)
2. I'm starting a diet on tuesday, I am extremely overweight and would like to do something about it before my health takes a nose dive. I picked Tuesday because the two hardest days of the diet will be on my days off so I can be more bitchy at home. And second because I need to pick up some supplies so that I can do this. Wish me luck!
3. Finish up my Solis course by my birthday. I have six chapters left and the final so it shouldn't be to hard. The problem is it's the chapters I'm not interested in.